Though this time of year is a time for holiday cheer — for gathering with families and friends around a warm fire or a hearty meal — not all are so fortunate during the winter months. A one month Crunchyroll premium membership coupon has been languishing in an abandoned inbox under the username shinji37@gmail.com for the last several years, sources report. Despite being sent in 2008 for Christmas, the email was never opened and the coupon link never clicked.

“It’s really tragic,” said one avid Crunchyroll user. “There are loads of people dying for just one month of a premium Crunchyroll membership and then you have this coupon going to waste. I don’t even think the sender plans on giving the link to someone else in need. And it’s so easy to tell if a coupon is redeemed or not. Such a waste of good anime.”

Crunchyroll gift memberships have long been the gift of choice for many anime watchers in need of useful presents for friends and family. The process of gift-giving purportedly creates a feeling of satisfaction and gifting Crunchyroll memberships is no exception. Premium membership givers report emotions of great self-accomplishment after watching their emails get shipped and receiving order notification emails. However, it is a rare case that an email is still marked as unread despite the noble cause of funneling money into the anime industry.

The 2008 coupon email is currently the eighth unread email in shinji37’s single, unfiltered inbox, followed by 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016 Crunchyroll gift coupons.

Manimist and moeist forces engage in a game of chinpo!o in what is left of Akihabara

TOKYO, Japan — In what observers described as a Christmas miracle, moe and manime fans agreed to a temporary ceasefire to celebrate the holiday together in the neutral territory of their Akihabara battlefield.

Although these two groups have long harbored hostility towards one another, they managed to coexist nonviolently for most of their history. This uneasy peace came to an end in 2009, when manime officials accused then-airing K-ON! of being the cancer that was killing anime. Moests, perceiving this as an act of aggression, declared war on the manimists shortly thereafter, triggering a complicated series of mutual defense pacts, pulling groups such as yuri and battle shounen fans into the fray.

Although the war has been fought on multiple fronts across the world, the Tokyo neighborhood of Akihabara has been hit the hardest. Although a longtime haven of moe, the manime coalition has turned the area into a contested territory. As a major battleground, it has been burnt to the ground countless times during the war.

Perhaps it was fitting, then, that it was in the ashes of Akihabara where soldiers gave the world a symbol of hope for peace within our lifetimes. In a heartwarming act of compassion, soldiers from both sides agreed to lay down their arms and meet in the no man’s land between their trenches for an evening of Christmas cheer. The enemy combatants celebrated the spirit of the season by singing their favorite OP’s, exchanging gifts of Pocky and Nendoroids, and even organizing a spontaneous match of chinpo!o.

Although people across the world have celebrated the truce as a sign of hope for the future, moe officials cautioned that the cease-fire was unlikely to have a long-term impact on the groups’ icy diplomatic relations.

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” one high-ranking moeist official said. “This is just because it’s Christmas, and we happened to have some extra rations. It’s not like we like them or anything.”

As this year filled with unbelievable politics and celebrity deaths draws to a close, we take a look back at the anime that aired this year which perfectly sum up 2016.

Occultic;Nine

2016 has lost many great and memorable celebrities. In Occultic;Nine, many people also die. Except none of the deaths have as much impact because after eleven episodes, I am still not sure this anime actually has characters — or is anything other than a stream of dialogue being read really fast by a malnourished voice actor being held at gunpoint.

Onigiri

Onigiri is an anime about a game that thrusts its players in a mythical land of Japanese spirits and legends and surrounds them with cute NPC’s. I wish I could be sent to mythical Japan. Anything is better than this hellscape of despair and sadness that is my life.

Pan de Peace

2016 was a difficult year for politics around the world. As terrorism and violence ravages the Middle East and Europe, we can all hope to come together and pray for peace: Pan de Peace. Also cute girls.

Gakusen Toshi Asterisk 2nd Season

In this year of uncertainty and tragedy, one anime gives all of us hope. And that anime is Gakusen Toshi Asterisk. It proves that anyone, as long as you enroll in a magic battle academy, can have a harem of pretty teenage girls fighting to sit on your mighty boner-filled lap for no reason at all.

Phantom World

Musaigen no Phantom World doesn’t have a filter, and is totally committed to what it is: pure and complete fanservice from the great Kyoto Animation. It has no regard for ‘political correctness’ and tells it like it is. It does not pretend to have a plot. It speaks to the common man. And it’s the anime that we deserve in 2016.

Magic-Kyun! Renaissance

Magic-Kyun! Renaissance, much like Harry Potter, takes place in a magical school. Except instead of fighting a evil wizard conspiracy and learning about the dark arts, it’s a bunch of bishounen and sparkling paintings. You see, in Magic-Kyun! Renaissance, art is literally magic that sparkles. And everyone at the school is trying to make their art sparkle.

Yeah this anime is only watchable while high.

Ange Vierge

Much like 2016, Ange Vierge is kind of shit. Even though it’s full of girls and naked bath scenes. 2016 is weird, man.

Sailor Moon Crystal III

Wait, holy shit Sailor Moon Crystal is still airing? What the fuck. People who saw the first few episodes of Crystal actually kept watching despite the art actually looking worse than the original from 1992? They made three seasons? Oh man we are fucked.

The Bee Movie

According to all known laws of animation, there is no way The Bee Movie is truly an anime. Its animation style is too 3D to be classified as a true superior anime from glorious Nippon which all inferior western animation bows in submission to. The Bee Movie, of course, is an meme anyway because Jerry Seinfeld does’t care care what smelly otaku think of his feature film.

Your Name

Our lawyers have informed us that we are legally obligated to discuss and praise Makoto Miyzaki Shinkai’s epic blockbuter romance action adventure slice of life open world fantasy RPG Your Name. So there.

Macross Delta

During the airing of Macross Delta — which is basically Macross Frontier with an even worse plot but more fabulous gang signs, Prince, Billy Paul, Muhammad Ali, Gordie Howe, Gene Wilder, and Arnold Palmer died. I choose to blame Macross Delta.

As 2016 comes to close, we at Anime Maru like to reflect on the the accomplishments and events of the past year. Like many in the otaku community, we like to make a set of resolutions for the start of the new year in order to make ourselves out to be more well rounded and responsible human beings. And like most of the otaku community we promptly forget most of them after about a week in. Nonetheless, to all our avid readers we would like to present a status summary of our many goals and accomplishments which were the focus of our attention throughout 2016.

Become the most trusted source in anime related news — Achieved

Anime Maru beat out the Anime News Network, Crunchyroll News, and CNN this year to become the most trusted and reliable source of news in the anime industry, at least as far as quality is concerned. Our next ambitious target for 2017 is to match the popularity and journalistic quality of NarutoKin420’s Anime Blog.

Write an Anime Maru light novel — Cancelled

Like anyone who a fan of Japanese animation, the ultimate dream is to have an anime series of your very own. As experts of the medium, we know that the quickest way to a greenlit anime is to make a self-insert light novel. Unfortunately the feedback on our initial FanFiction.net submission was less than stellar so we have been forced to scrap this idea.

Fix the ending of Oreimo — Pending

Anime Maru has written Fushimi multiple times about correcting the conclusion portion of Oreimo but we have yet to receive a response. We hope he accepts our new script of proposed changes sometime in 2017.

Shamelessly attack a popular seasonal show — Achieved

With Phantom World and Occultic;Nine both airing in 2016, it’s like we hardly had to even try this year.

Test the limits of what people will believe — Achieved

Will you people really believe anything? I mean come on, you really think doing the Naruto run will make you faster? I know you really want to believe your unhealthy obsession is some sort of positive attribute but at some point the line has to be drawn.

Move out of our parents’ basements — Don’t tell me how to live my life

Look, I’ll move out when I’m ready okay. I really don’t see what my recently ordered Saber figure has to do with this. Never mind how much it cost you have to order it right away or else it gets sold out. This is a high quality limited edition! Yes, I know I already have multiples of her that’s the whole point. You just don’t get it do you?

Watch as Kantai Collection fades in obscurity — Cancelled

Wait, this is still a thing? Didn’t it just come from some lazy grind fest game built in Flash? I know standards are pretty low, but I really didn’t think this would pass. Wait they made a whole movie of it too? Was 2016 really that bad?

Fully automate the operations of Anime Maru — In-Progress

With the amount of recycled jokes and stolen material, you would be surprised that we haven’t done this already. We are happy to report that our Anime Maru bot is already in its beta testing stages. In fact, half of this very article was written using it. We hope that by the end of 2017 Anime Maru will be nothing but arbitrary lists and clickbait headlines. Then maybe we can finally have the time to get back to finishing our backlogs.

Well, 2016 is officially over, and that means it’s time for Anime Maru to post its annual Top 10 Anime list! (Remember, anyone who posts a year-end list before the list is over is a dirty liar!) This was frankly a spectacular year for culture in general, but especially anime. We know you’re all dying to see what our picks are, so without further adieu, here’s the list.

#10. Your Name: Formerly more of a niche director, Makoto Shinkai broke onto the blockbuster scene with his new hit movie Your Name, which retains the feel of his prior work while greatly expanding the scale, creating a film that nearly everyone can appreciate. The film has broken the top 10 highest grossing anime and Makoto has been nothing but humbled by his film’s success. Honestly, in many years Your Name would have gotten the #1 spot, but 2016 was such a landmark year in anime that it’s going to have to settle for #10.

#9. Ace Attorney: You know, when they first announced this anime, I’ll admit I was skeptical. Could MAPPA really recreate the tension and comedic tone of the original games while taking out the interactivity? The answer was a resounding yes, as it not only recaptured the feelings I felt when I first played the games but also added to the experience with fantastic direction and some great scenes that captured and expanded upon relationships of the story’s cast. Rumor has it they’re planning on adapting Apollo Justice’s arc next, and while the material may be weaker I have no doubt Watanabe Shinichiro will be able to improve the experience like he did here.

#8. Berserk: After 18 years, Berserk is finally back, and what a return it was. We finally got a proper adaptation of Black Swordsman arc, taking the show back to its roots and adapting the original manga almost panel for panel with gorgeous animation. The main reason why this show’s so low on the list is because we’re so early in, I can’t wait until we get closer to catching up with the manga and seeing all the fantastic material once Guts gets off the boat.

#7. Hunter x Hunter: Okay, I know this show started in 2011, but can we just talk about how great it was this year? Ever since Madhouse rebooted the series they’ve done fantastic work, but ever since 2014 when we got into the Dark Continent arc it’s just been incredible. Still, as much as Madhouse deserves credit for their great adaptation the real hero is Yoshihiro Togashi, whose continuous hard work and dedication to making his series great has cemented it as indisputably the best of Shonen Jump’s Big Four. Seriously, maybe the dude should take a break!

#6. The Elation of Haruhi Suzumiya: Let’s be honest, while Kyoto Animation’s other work is great, we’re all excited whenever they adapt more Haruhi. This season adapts novels 21 to 25 of the ongoing novel series, finally getting into Haruhi and Kyon’s college years, and it does a great job of balancing their ongoing relationship and their supernatural adventures. Honestly, there’s not much to say here, the Haruhi series continues to be as popular as it is for a reason.

#5. Spice and Wolf V: After five fantastic seasons, the tremendously high-selling anime adaptation of Spice and Wolf finally reaches its conclusion. While seasons 3 and 4 were great, season 5 really stepped it up with its adaptation of the final “Coin of the Sun” arc and epilogue, with beautiful character animation and atmosphere that drips from the screen. This is likely the best that Spice and Wolf will ever be, but I’m still excited for the already announced spinoff anime starring Holo and Lawrence’s daughter.

#4. The Endless River: Obviously this was a great year for adaptions, but when it comes to original material there’s no one better than Gainax. Never content to sit on their laurels and just remake content like Neon Genesis Evangelion that propelled him to fame, Hideaki Anno has continually put out hit after hit, each one creating a new and compelling world. Still, he’s made few shows better than Mugen no Kawa, which beautifully explores memory and loss through the extended metaphor of a flowing river of time. Still, the reason the show is so great has a lot to do with his collaborator, Hiroyuki Imaishi, who brings manic energy and spirited animation to Anno’s more thoughtful character studies. We can only hope that the two faces of Gainax collaborate more in the future.

#3. Yotsuba&!: Many thought that Kiyohiko Azuma would never agree to a Yotsuba adaptation, but honestly, who could say no to Hayao Miyazaki himself? With the full force of Studio Ghibli’s theatrical level animation behind him, Miyazaki approaches Yotsuba with the love of anime and understanding of youth that he brings to all of his work, perfectly capturing the innocent and uncynical feel of the manga. Sadly, Miyazaki has announced that he plans to retire next year, a shock given his uninterrupted passion for anime, but he says that it’s time to leave the industry to the next generation, who he feels is more than qualified to live up to his legacy.

#2. Goodnight Punpun: It takes a great director to place above Miyazaki, but in this case it’s the combination of two great directors. I certainly didn’t think that Yuasa Masaaki could work alongside Akiyuki Shinbo and Studio Shaft so well, but when they’re given material as great as Goodnight Punpun the result is an absolute masterpiece. The combination of animation styles perfectly captures Punpun’s fractured mindset, and the show manages to pull out every emotion from the original manga and amplify them through perfect direction.

#1. The Other 2016: But of course, who could possibly take the top spot but Satoshi Kon himself? In this frightening film, Kon imagines a dark alternate timeline in which the Twin Towers were leveled by a terrorist attack in 2001, creating a worldwide unrest that prevented the 2004 World Peace Talks from ever occurring and all diseases being cured. The world he creates is so fleshed out that it feels like it really could have occurred, and the idea of living in that world is truly terrifying. Satoshi Kon is truly a genius, and I can safely say that if he weren’t alive and working for the past 5 years, anime might very well be entirely shit now.

Sekai Project, the publisher of visual novel Sakura Spirit among other quasi-erotic anime games, had recently launched a Kickstarter on the 28th of December with a base goal of $100,000, with the promise of an OVA adaptation of Nekopara, Sekai Project’s most popular series featuring catgirl maids. Surprisingly, the project reached its audacious objective within a mere hour, and as of the 31st, sits at a whopping $425,000 with more than 30 days left in the campaign.

Meanwhile, a concurrent global fundraiser established to finance a charitable project is struggling to gain appreciable support. The project’s primary objective is to create cost-effective shelters for the homeless, but an arduous three months of campaigning has only accumulated just under 10% of the $1 million minimum goal.

“We’ve reached out to countless organizations, political committees, and potential investors,” Michael Corgan, a head representative of the project, told Anime Maru. “Many just couldn’t afford sparing the funds, while others were simply uninterested in philanthropy.”

Meanwhile, Sekai Project’s response to Anime Maru’s request for comment was simply, “We’re sitting in so much money right now, it’s purrfect (sic)“.

Meanwhile, popular YouTube user iDubbbzTV is reportedly resuming his “Kickstarter Crap” series with the Nekopara campaign in mind.

BOSTON, MA — CNN viewers were shocked to discover last Thursday that instead of the usual airing of unintelligible political debate that CNN usually provides they were presented with an unintelligible Japanese cartoon instead. Thursday night, Boston area cable subscribers received 78 straight minutes of the anime series ChaoS;HEAd instead of the usual scheduled political programming. Responses from viewers during the broadcast ranged from confused to deeply offended.

“When I first turned on the TV I was confused about what I was watching,” Boston resident Samantha Terzki told Anime Maru. “At first I thought it was a special about how the Republican agenda has caused a housing crisis for Millennials, but it was really just about some dweeb living in a dumpster on top of a building.”

“I frankly find what I witnessed last night insulting,” said avid CNN viewer Tom Fresco. “It was like they just made things up whenever it was convenient. None of it was the least bit believable. And why does that guy get all the attention? One time I stayed locked up in my apartment for three days and not once did a cute girl visit me. I couldn’t even get my sister to spontaneously drop by.”

Twitter users were quick to respond, flooding CNN’s Twitter page with questions regarding the incident.

CNN apologized for the mistake and stated that they are investigating the matter as to what could have caused the accidental airing of ChaoS;HEAd. CNN assured its viewers that despite the television network’s past history that current CNN programming is “certainly not as bad as ChaoS;HEAd”. CNN stated they would address the issue and vowed to take appropriate action against the employee with such poor taste.

RCN, the main provider of cable television in the region, stated that they will investigate the broadcast history from Thursday night to determine possible causes for the interruption of normal scheduling. Going from current viewership ratings, RCN estimates that as many as twelve people may have seen the erroneous broadcast.

Loot Crate, the monthly subscription service that delivers geek or gaming-related merchandise, has announced that the theme of their sub category box, Loot Anime, for the month of January will be “Reality Check.” This announcement was made in the spirit of New Year’s resolutions to start off 2017, replacing the previously announced theme of “Dimension”.

Established in 2012, Loot Crate garnered over 200,000 subscribers worldwide within its first two years, and has offered anime themed crates since January 2016. Each month subscribers are delivered parcels full of merchandise related to their selected interests, while paying approximately $25 monthly.

Founders Chris Davis and Matthew Arevalo have since realized that for the past year they have been encouraging the growth of the anime fandom by supplying people with physical substance that reinforces people’s love for the medium. This led to the decision to drastically alter the contents of this month’s box in order to cause subscribers to cease watching anime instead, hopefully reversing any damage done thus far.

“I’m quite excited actually,” remarked Arevalo. “We know how much our customers love to receive a bunch of random shit cool new stuff every month for such a great price. Just think of their reactions when they’re given the priceless gift of an improved lifestyle! Not to mention all the new unboxing videos that’ll come of this month.”

“Not that unboxing videos should be changed, since they’re already the most exciting type of video out there.”

Each box is designed specifically to convince each recipient of their horrendous life choices, and to persuade them to drop their escapist NEET lifestyles of immersion in Japanese entertainment. Each box will contain a book that is neither manga nor a light novel, a picture of some old Japanese guy with the caption “Anime was a mistake,” a mirror to be used for staring at something hideous other than your waifu (who does not exist), a comprehensive list of local job listings, and a Blu-Ray box set of Sword Art Online.

Themes for future months have also been leaked, namely “[No Girl Will Ever Give You Any Valentine’s Day] Chocolate” for the month of February, and “Three-gatsu” for March.

While many have already opted out of their subscriptions, others openly welcome this new change, falsely believing in their own ability to actually stick with a New Year’s resolution for more than one week.

…so go on. You know you want to.

Hey everyone, it’s awards season once again, and Anime Maru is here to tell you who’s going to win the most prestigious awards of all: the Crunchyroll Anime Awards! With a rich history dating all the way back to 2016, the Crunchyroll Anime Awards are the most coveted prize in the industry, after the Tokyo Anime Awards, Japan Media Arts Festival Award, Animation Kobe Awards, and basically every other award that isn’t given out by random voters on the Internet. Here’s our pick for the winners of the best anime of 2016 that are available for streaming in America, and that specifically aren’t Sound! Euphonium, ReLIFE, or Tanaka-kun is Always Listless.

Best Anime

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. While it faces some stiff competition from the smash hit Joker Game, Kabaneri is this year’s clear runaway hit. Scoring an impressive 7.38 on MyAnimeList and top ranked reviews of 2/10 and 3/10, Kabaneri is an obvious choice to win best anime of the year, which is why it was nominated in so many categories.

Hero of the Year

Mumei. Yep, it’s Kabaneri again! While in the show itself Mumei may have been a simple pawn in the villain’s scheme who really contributes very little to the climax, her real heroism is to all the anime pedophiles of the world whose fetish is the armpits of a 12 year old.

Villain of the Year

Biba. But of course, as great as Kabaneri’s heroes are the best part is clearly the villain. Biba stands out not only as the best villain of the year but also of all time, with his incredibly sensible motives and thrilling plot that totally didn’t completely derail the show. Honestly, I don’t know why any of these other characters are nominated, like who’s this Yoshikage Kira guy anyway, his show wasn’t nominated for any other awards and I’m pretty sure no one watched it.

Best Boy

Guy Bennett. While the nominated characters are all great, none of them are actually best boys, so this award goes to write-in Guy Bennett, who was the best boy grip on Rogue One: A Star Wars Story. That movie had some really great lighting.

Best Girl

Rem. Also the future winner of /r/anime’s upcoming 2017 Best Girl Contest, and living proof that all otaku really want out of a girl is someone who constantly reaffirms how great they are.

Best Anime Fight

Mumei vs. Kabane (Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress Episode 2). Personally, I feel that the Mumei vs. Kabane scene from episode 3 was snubbed, but the Mumei vs. Kabane scene from episode 2 was pretty great too. Really, this category could have been entirely Mumei vs. Kabane scenes and that would be fine with me.

Best Animation

Yuri on Ice. Tempting as it is to give this category to Kabaneri, how could we not give the award to a show that produced beautiful frames like these?

Most Heartwarming

Ikoma rescuing Mumei. Okay, I know Kabaneri wasn’t technically nominated in this category, but it’s totally going to win on write in votes, people love it that much.

Drama of the Year

Joker Game. By virtue of Kabaneri being ineligible for this category, Joker Game finally gets to take home an award! While its 7.2 MAL rating isn’t quite as impressive as Kabaneri, it’s still clearly one of the best shows of the year.  

Best Couple

Yuri & Victor. Yeah, this one’s obvious. But to be fair, we’re pretty sure the other 3 nominees were intentionally chosen to be inferior to Yuri & Victor, and that Hishiro and Arata were clubbed in the knee Tonya Harding style to prevent them from competing.

Best Comedy

Transparent. Yeah, this isn’t technically anime, but if it’s allowed to be nominated as a comedy in the Emmy’s, we’re pretty sure it’s allowed to win here.

Best Action

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. Yep, another award for Kabaneri. It’s nominated for 9 of the 14 awards, and while this would be excessive and ridiculous for any other show, Kabaneri really is that amazing.

Best Opening

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. Kabaneri’s OP is so loved, it’s reached 1.1 million views on Youtube, which is likely significantly higher than the amount of people who legally watched it on Amazon.

Best Ending

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress. I, too, was estatic when Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress ended; it was truly the best ending. Kabaneri wins here too! It will win everything! It will take over everything you love and soon be the only anime that exists, and we will all be better off for it.

A Princeton University study released Tuesday revealed that the Silicon Valley population is still largely dominated by otaku.

Researchers collected long-term demographic data over a decade, studying ancient companies such as HP as well as newcomers such as Twitter, discovering that the demographic consists of 80% otaku and 20% “other”.

“We strive to improve the diversity of our teams and realize that it will take time to balance the workfield. Nevertheless, we are optimistic that in the near future, we will be seeing a less otaku dominated industry,” said Hailey Bryck , human relations director of Facebook.

However, Princeton PhD student Yibin Zhang expressed skepticism about the claim. “Hiring practices are largely biased,” she said. “Recruiters think that otaku are exceedingly adept with computers, can sit all day in front of a screen, and don’t need sunlight or other base needs to survive. That simply isn’t true. There are plenty of other Silicon Valley hopefuls who are just like that too.”

The other 20% consist of demographic groupings such as men (19.99%) and women (0.01%).

“We were always so preoccupied with the lack of women in STEM that we overlooked the larger issue. I don’t think it’d be right if it were only otaku guiding the future of technology,” one Princeton sociology professor said.

The study further specified that the otaku majority is composed of female, male, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Pacific Islander, Alaska Native, American Indian, gay, lesbian, straight, and otherwise-identifying human beings. It cautioned against labeling this group as “diverse”, as their homogeneity in thought is both dominating and oppressive in the workplace.

However, Princeton’s study came as a large surprise to the CEO’s of large tech companies, who said that they did not discriminate against non otaku.

“We have never actively tried to populate our companies with one demographic,” Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey said, referencing the most recent hire of a homophobic product manager for a team of Yuri on Ice fanatic engineers.

CONCORD, MA — In a very unfortunate turn of events, Megan Crampton’s relationship with her boyfriend of four years, Dan Abbott, is in jeopardy. According to their family and friends, the source of the couple’s strife was triggered by Abbott’s Steam library, where Crampton allegedly found what can only be described as “those gay Chinese games”.

Crampton tearfully recounted how she discovered Abbott’s disturbing hobby to the press. “At first I thought he was cheating on me, because he never let me see his laptop. But when I opened up his Steam account I found something much worse than I could have imagined.”

Abbott’s library contained titles such as Recettear, Daganronpa, and most damning of all HuniePop. To make the situation even worse, Abbott wrote user reviews for his depraved games. In one of his reviews for Steins;Gate, Abbott dares to say, “Steins;Gate sets a high bar for visual novels on Steam; it’s superior to the anime and I hope to see more Nitro+ games on here in the future.”

Abbott’s friends claim his behavior is nothing out of the ordinary, and even imply his hobby to be healthy. However just a glance at Abbott’s Steam friends reveals a sea of anime related avatars, completely invalidating any argument they would have.

Even Abbott’s mother shows a lack of concern when confronted with her son’s degenerate activities. “As long as those crazy Japanese games keep him away from pot, I don’t really care what he plays,” she tells Anime Maru.

Understandably, Crampton was at a complete wreck, as would be any sane person upon the discovery that their significant other actually plays Melty Blood. She is not planning to immediately break up with Abbott, but will not be attending senior prom with him this spring.

As devout fans of Japanese anime, we have always admired its distinctive visual style. When pondering about this artistic archetype, familiar terms such as moe and kawaii come to mind.

This very essence is epitomized within the anime girl, a two-dimensional manifestation fetishized heralded by otaku as a symbol of beauty and cuteness.

For so long, we have revered Japanese illustrators as the undeserved, godlike benefactors of our obsessions, as a majority of anime enthusiasts claim to be terrible artists. But today I will attempt to teach you how to harness that power at your fingertips. Without further a due, I present: How to draw anime girls.

Today we will keep it simple and use the neutral three-quarter view, as demonstrated by our assistant Saitama. Begin by drawing a circle, and score it with a vertical line about a sixth of the diameter from the edge. This designates the middle of the face. Then draw a horizontal line about a third of the radius below the half-line.

Let’s profile the face now. A contoured face, pointy chin, and slim neck are often associated with the “anime” look. Place the ear evenly between the half-line and the bottom of the circle. The shoulders should sweep away from the neck at a relaxed angle.

Add details, such as the eyes and mouth. One eye should be right in the middle of the head, while the other should be right up to the edge of the face. The nose starts at the intersection of the half-line and the vertical, and should end at the intersection of the vertical and the circle.

Now we add hair. Hairstyles are widely varied in anime, but for simplicity, we’re going for a normal straight cut. Keep in mind the space between the head and the hairline. This is to give the hair volume.

Almost finished. Clean up your drawing, erasing any underlying framework and adding finishing touches. Go over the drawing in marker if you desire.

OwO what’s this? Could this be the hand of the anime gods? Is this some sort of divine intervention? The will of artistic justice itself?

Sugoi! Amazing! Thanks to the power of the anime gods, our drawing is complete! She even has a sailor uniform on and everything! Isn’t she pretty?

Well, that concludes today’s lesson on how to draw anime. I hope this tutorial was of utmost usefulness to you. With enough practice, you’ll eventually matter this drawing technique. Good luck!

Earlier this week, Toho announced that Makoto Shinkai’s Your Name (Kimi no Na Wa) has surpassed all measures of cinematic success and become the de facto greatest film ever made. Since its release in August of last year, the CoMix Wave-produced film has broken record after record at the box office, earning $200 million within months of its release. Since then, the film has become the top animated film of all time, climbed to the top of Japan’s all time box office, won the Los Angeles Film Critics Best Animated Film award, became the highest rated film on Rotten Tomatoes, definitively proven that Shinkai is more talented than Miyazaki, and has basically become the greatest fucking shit the world has ever laid eyes on.

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has announced earlier today that Shinkai will have his Oscars for Best Director, Best Picture, Best Animated Feature, Best Foreign Language Film, and Best Anime Involving Body Swapping Since Kokoro Connect mailed to him in advance of the ceremony on February 26, as the award decisions have become a forgone conclusion.

At the United Nations headquarters in New York, world leaders were reduced to tears after a screening of the film, each claiming that the anime moved them at the most fundamental human level, and that they have been inspired to set aside their differences and work solely towards peace and harmony for all mankind. Your Name has broken through the shackles that define animation and even cinema as an artistic medium, transcending time and space to truly and finally evoke the essence of humanity and existence itself in a such a captivating, concise, and incredible way that the human race is unimaginably fortunate to have the chance to experience it. God does exist, and his name is Shinkai.

As of press time, the film is still not available wherever you live.

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Popular Japanese media franchise Ghost in the Shell is receiving a Hollywood movie adaption later in 2017. However, the movie has already sparked controversy, with the casting of actress Scarlett Johansson in the role of Asian protagonist Motoko Kusanagi leading to accusations of “whitewashing”. In her latest interview, Johansson gave statements that have raised even more fan concern.

In the interview, Johansson admitted that she has only managed to fully watch the 1995 film directed by Mamoru Oshii, as the other installments of the series were “too long” and she found herself struggling to finish them. She further stated that the majority of the movie was just characters talking while strange, screeching-like oriental music played on the background. There were only a handful of action scenes to keep her entertained, and outside these scenes the protagonist apparently dressed horribly.

“Why doesn’t the Major ever wear pants, especially in the television series? I admit these Japanese cartoons are relatively new experience for me, maybe it’s some cultural thing.”

When asked what Johansson thought about the philosophical undertones of the franchise, the actress explained she understood that “ghost” referred possibly to some sort of a soul, but found the premise utterly confusing and even pretentious.

“It is beyond me why someone would choose this word to represent the essence of a human being. Ghosts don’t even usually inhabit shells, shells belong in the sea. I didn’t exactly get what the film was trying to say because it misused these words repeatedly. To me, the entire film just screamed pseudo-intellectual.”

At the end of the interview Johansson reassured fans by saying that despite the fact that she might not get exactly what message the franchise is trying to convey, she still believes the 2017 movie is in good hands and much more likable than anything else that has come out of Japan.

“I can confidently state that the fans of the series will be pleased. If anything we’ve polished the source material by removing all the boring scenes and replacing them with better, more interesting ones. What could possibly go wrong?”

The director of 2017 movie Rupert Sanders also has confidence in his work, stating that whatever the final product turns out to be like, it cannot possibly be worse than Arise.

Today while scrolling through AMVs anime fan Dave Brown noticed that anime critic Digibro’s video “How to Recognize a Terrible Anime (in just one episode)” was in the video sidebar recommended for him, as it had been for the past 6 months.

“Goddamn it, there it is again.” Dave complained to himself. “Why is Youtube so sure that I want to watch this video? No matter what anime video I’m watching that damn Digibro video is always there, filling up some spot that could be for some interesting video related to what I’m watching. Like, I’m watching a Jojo’s Bizzare Adventure AMV, it’d be one thing if it were a Digibro video about Jojo’s but they’re completely unrelated unless you group all anime into one category.”

“I mean, I guess I don’t have anything against Digibro, I think I watched one of his videos when it was linked somewhere, but I definitely don’t need to devote a half hour of my life to discovering how to recognize a bad anime in one episode. I could literally just watch an episode of anime in less than the amount of time it’d take me to get through his video.”

“Is this Youtube subtly commenting on my taste? Like, are they saying based on the videos I watch that I have shit taste, so they’re trying to force me to change my viewing habits? Well fuck you Youtube, you don’t know me!”

Following these comments, Dave started watching the first episode of The Asterisk War, which he thought looked promising so far.

STATE COLLEGE, PA – Paramedics were called to the scene at Setsucon yesterday when several cosplayers reportedly injured themselves during a costume contest.

The overall theme was to dress up as characters from the popular Monogatari series, a slew of light novels penned by Nisio Isin adapted into an anime by the renown Studio SHAFT. The incident occurred when contestants, in an attempt to impress the judges, attempted the famous “head tilt”, a peculiar gesture that frequently recurs in the anime.

The head tilt demonstrated by Kaiki Deishu, a character more interesting than 90% of anime

Shortly after, several attendees complained of severe neck pains while others found themselves unable to move their heads at all. Paramedics arrived shortly to administer medical care. By the end of the day, three people were hauled off to the hospital for urgent medical attention, while seven others were treated for minor muscle injuries.

“Negligence serves as the blame here”, remarks Dr. Anri Torres, a physician involved with the case. She assures that the ‘head tilt’ is mostly harmless and is ideal for light aerobics. “However, improper technique and a lack of stretching combined with sudden muscle movements pose a high risk for injury”, adds Dr. Torres. “This is exacerbated by the fact that the victims were mostly unfit and were typically the kind of people who rarely exercised”.

Dr. Torres recommends an average of 2-3 hours of moderate exercise per week.

In the first week after his inauguration, President Donald Trump signed an executive order with a major addition to the individual mandate portion of the Affordable Care Act. Americans may now opt out of buying health insurance by watching at least one iyashikei, or “healing,” anime per season.

Iyashikei shows such as Barakamon, Tsuritama and ARIA have long been celebrated by anime fans for their soothing, heartwarming effects. Recently, medical research has explored the genre’s purported healing powers, and some doctors even recommend such shows to their patients in addition to more traditional treatments. However, by treating the genre as a replacement for traditional health insurance, the order goes further than American health policy has ever gone before in endorsing its efficacy.

The executive order indicates the direction that the Trump administration may take in its effort to “repeal and replace” the Affordable Care Act. Tom Price, Trump’s nominee for secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services, estimates that a move to an anime-centric health care system could potentially save the United States over 200 billion dollars a year in health care costs.

The announcement sparked heavy backlash from the medical community. Dr. Richard Janis, a senior medical researcher at Brown University, was one of over five hundred medical professionals who signed an open letter condemning the Trump administration’s decision. He explained his resistance to the so-called “iyashikei option” in a conversation with Anime Maru.

“The potential medical uses of anime are promising, but research on the subject is still in its initial stages,” he said. “And the research we have suggests that these treatments are not for everyone. In my own research, for example, we found that, for people with a family history of heart disease, extended exposure to Non Non Biyori can actually cause their hearts to far exceed recommended thresholds of doki doki.”

Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., also strongly criticized the order. “Once again, Donald Trump has shown his disregard for the millions of Americans who are covered under the Affordable Care Act,” he said in a prepared statement. “For Americans to exercise this new option, they must submit their Crunchyroll accounts every season to the Department of Health and Human Services for review. This is a slap in the face to the millions of Americans who, unable to afford a monthly streaming subscription, are forced to torrent their anime.”

“And despite Republican rhetoric about freedom of choice,” he continued, “it’s obvious that no one would choose pirating anime over high quality, legal streaming options if they could afford it.”

Reactions from the anime fan community were mixed. “I’m not sure what to make of it,” said Daniel Stryker, an anime fan and student at Piedmont Virginia Community College. “On the one hand, getting rid of my monthly insurance bill means I can buy lots more anime figures. On the other hand, if the shows I watch are actually good for my health, that just means I have that many more years ahead of me with no cute 2D anime girlfriend.”

Earlier this week the 2017 Oscar Nominations were revealed, and while Zootopia, Moana, Kubo, The Red Turtle and My Life as a Zucchini got nominations for Best Animated Feature, there was one serious snub, which was of course Kizumonogatari Part 1: Tekketsu.

Anime fans protested the snub to the academy, citing reasons as “Hanekawa is best girl,” and “What the hell is My Life as a Zucchini?” They also complained about The Red Turtle‘s nomination, a film which despite being a co-production with Studio Ghibli doesn’t even have a page on MyAnimeList, the one true distinguisher on what is and isn’t anime.

We got in touch with Oscar industry insider Emmett Grammer, who said that anime fans expectations for the Oscars were unrealistic. “You have to remember that the Academy is full of old people who don’t really understand what anime is. Most of them are pretty sure Hayao Miyazaki is the only good director in Japan, and they think he makes every Studio Ghibli movie, so if something doesn’t have the Studio Ghibli name attached it’s basically doomed from the start.”

“Really though, this is partially the fault of the English distributor, who probably should have postponed Kizumonogatari‘s release until next year. You can do that with foreign films, Spirited Away won Best Animated Feature in 2003 despite coming out in 2001. There was no way an anime film was going to beat Kubo or Zootopia, but next year there are no Disney or Laika movies, so its only competition would be Boss Baby, The Emoji Movie and a Pixar movie called Coco, which going off their recent track record has a 50% chance to be terrible.”

“I can honestly say that if they hadn’t chosen to release Kizumonogatri for a single week in 2016 and had waited to give it a full release in 2017, not only would have it been nominated, but there’s a pretty good chance they would have been calling your name in the 2018 Oscars. ‘Your name’ being of course that of Akiyuki Shinbo, the director that was seriously snubbed this year for Kizumonogatari.”     

Hello gamers. It’s been a little over a week since the most recent Nintendo Direct in which information regarding four new Fire Emblem games was announced, and just over seven months since my last review, so today I’ve decided to take a look at the video game that revived its franchise; Fire Emblem Awakening.

Gameplay

Awakening is a turn based tactical RPG, and the series is known for its at times near impossible difficulty. Because I’m such a hardcore gamer, I’ve decided to play the game on Hard/Casual difficulty. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing at first, but I eventually got the hang of the tile based movement system. Within the first few chapters I figured out that the best strategy is to use the guy with the Silver Lance to run into all the enemies, but I’m still unsure what those sparkly-spaces do exactly. Even if your units die, you can use them again during the next battle, so I’m not sure why some people found this game to be difficult.

Graphics

Many praise the stunning visuals of Awakening’s cutscenes, but I believe the real stellar visual presentation to be the in game battle sequences. They really show the full capabilities of the 3DS, and are essentially perfection when it comes to the use of 3D models. I played the game solely with the camera set to first person, and 3D slider set to max, as I felt it made for a more immersive experience. While anime characters are often known for their “quality” fish-like eyes, the characters in this game also appear to have very fish-like feet, that is to say, none at all. I thought it was an interesting stylistic choice by the game developers, and I’d like to see more of this appendage-lacking artstyle in the future.

Synopsis

I could talk about the plot of this game, however the true significant, defining, and key aspect of Awakening, is most definitely the ability to marry the characters in the game to each other. The soldiers of your army, all with their own unique personalities, can fall in love, marry, and encounter their own time travelling children from the future. What’s more, your own customizable avatar is able to marry most any of the other playable characters, be it a 1000 year old dragon or your best friend’s daughter, effectively giving you the ability to pick your own waifu and/or husbando.

Unlike in anime, there is an actual possibility for your two favorite characters to hook up, no matter how little sense a pairing actually makes.

This is Anna, my waifu of choice. I chose to marry her because of her many redeeming character traits, and not just because I wanted all the children characters. I even use Robin’s fourth alternate costume in Smash 4 to show my dedication.

The game features a whole cast of memorable characters to ship together against their will, as well as ones that fill classic anime character archetypes:

The loli

The shota

The tsundere

The trap

Not quite cat ears, but close enough

(cross your fingers)

Senpai will never notice him

After playing the game I found out that this series received an anime adaptation as well, so I ended up watching the whole thing. It is pretty old, and it was only two OVA episodes, but it was still quite the marathon. I expected Chrom to show up, but the whole thing was centered around some girl named Mars. I think she was in Smash too. I hope it’ll get a second season at some point.

All in all, it was a great experience playing this game. It definitely makes me excited for the upcoming Fire Emblem games that were announced, and I have to say that Fire Emblem Heroes and Warriors seem like they’ll be the best of the four.

I would play Fates, but I’m still waiting for Nintendo to restock on the Special Edition.

Final score:

Spoken like a true MAL user.

Recently released to international audiences, Tales of Berseria is the 16th and latest continuation of the popular JRPG series. Although the game met generally positive reviews, receiving praise primarily for its story and characters, many fans were disappointed by the game’s lackluster visuals.

“The graphics leave a lot to be desired”, says game reviewer Mick Leo. “We live in the age of the cutting-edge PS4, and yet the game looks like it belongs on the Wii.” Leo acknowledges that Japanese CG has generally never had a good reputation, but adds that “…a series as popular as Tales should at least get some special treatment. The 2D cutscenes are nice, but basically everything else takes you out of the experience with the ragdoll movements and wonky faces.”

In a recent press conference with Bandai Namco, the issue was addressed by game director Yoshimasa Tanaka. “We’ve always focused on other elements such as complicated stories and extraneous gameplay elements, so visuals were never really a focus”, he explained. “We were also under the impression that Japanese gamers didn’t notice bad graphics, as long as the gameplay was decent. But I can definitely see how better graphics can enhance the other key elements. I can assure you that we will place a greater emphasis on good graphics for future titles.”

“If more developers placed as much effort and passion into their games as, say, Kojima Productions or Polyphony Digital, it would make a big difference,” remarked Arthur Colbran, an entertainment journalist. “Unfortunately, it’s just economically unfeasible. That’s the current state of many other situations, like the anime industry, where fans will settle for ‘significantly below-average’ CG visuals, and shows like Ajin and Knights of Sidonia will still get picked up because the season lineups are filled to the brim with mediocre titles.”